As I’ve mentioned before I’m an emotional eater. It’s something I’m working on. It’s something I struggle with.
An opportunity presented itself this week for me to face this struggle. I had a rough day. My “drug” of choice is that quarter pounder with cheese & extra pickles. Hot and fresh from the local Drive-Thru. To explain my relationship with said burger will cause shame and embarrassment but I must share to keep moving forward.
That burger has been there for me through thick and thin. It was there when things didn’t go my way, when I was feeling sad, mad, happy or needed a bite at 3am. It served me well when I didn’t feel like cooking. It was there for the end of relationships, new beginnings and tragic endings. It never complained and just comforted me. It was a constant in an otherwise sometimes inconstant world. Available to me 24/7 for whatever feeling I might be trying to numb at any given moment. I can’t remember a time in my adult life without the ability to get one of those burgers whenever I “needed” it.
I hit a road block on Tuesday and desperately wanted a QPC (quarter pounder with cheese). I had to sit with that thought. If I get this burger, how will it serve me on my journey to living my Great Life? Will I get closer to my goal if I keep retreating to the comfort of a burger? Will I ever climb a mountain if I keep eating burgers every time I’m feeling emotional? NO! No, Melsha you won’t!
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
I recently did the Brené Brown/Oprah e-course and loved this quote from Brené’s book. It was an a-ha! moment for me. It makes perfect sense! I can’t target just stomach fat when I’m working out so how could I use a burger to only numb the, less than perfect, feelings I don’t want to feel? I needed to make a choice.
Thank you for all the years you helped me numb the pain, fears and feelings I never wanted to feel. Thank you for protecting me from the discomfort when I was too weak to handle it. I am grateful that you were there for me. I appreciate you protecting me in the only way you knew how. Thank you.
I am strong now. I can handle what comes my way without numbing with food. There will be tough days ahead but I will find another way to work through it. You are free to leave my life now.
Much love & gratitude,
That day that gave me some trouble this week? I chose salad. And I felt AWESOME!