The MRI Results
It’s fascinating how just one moment in time, one sentence, or one person can turn everything you’ve worked towards upside down.
The game has changed.
As I’ve eluded to before, my back was injured on my fourth class of Boot Camp back in Aug. 2013. I’ve been in bi-weekly physio ever since without any change to my injury. I also haven’t been able to walk for more than 15 minutes without shooting pain from my lower back into my toes. My doctor ordered an MRI and I got the results a couple weeks ago. A bulged disk between my L 4 & 5 with a small annular tear. Ugh.
What did this mean for my “I’m going to get in the best shape of my life and climb a mountain” journey?
The doctor’s orders are to continue & be more aggressive in physio with IMS & traction, lose 10 more lbs (which on my list anyway), keep going to the gym and until the end of April, no more lifting weights from a standing position, no weighted exercises, no hinging and be careful on rotation exercises. We will re-evaluate the situation at the end of April, if things don’t change we start to look at other options. There is mention of injections and surgery as a last resort but she doesn’t go into details in hopes of this current game plan working.
This. Was. Devastating.
I immediately wondered how I was even going to be able to continue the journey in the way I wanted to achieve it. Remember how I’m an instant gratification girl? Now I’m moving at a snail’s pace and I’m not happy about it. I’m having thoughts of throwing in the towel. I’m mad that I allowed myself to get hurt at that boot camp when I should have listened to my gut when my body was saying “this isn’t for me.” I’m sad that my workouts need to “digress” to even less than what I started at. And worst of all, I find myself wanting to hit the drive-thru to numb all these emotions of failure.
I reluctantly head to my work out 2 days after news from my doctor. How am I even going to be able to do a workout that warrants sweat, rosey cheeks and a calorie burn with all these new restrictions placed on me? I have a teary chat with Karl about how I’m feeling about all of this and what we can do in the gym to keep working towards the goal while honoring the injury and allowing it the time and actions required to let it heal.
I’m not digressing – I’m healing.
This mind shift was essential. I’m healing.
Dear Healing Melsha,
I know how difficult this is for you and that you are viewing it as a set-back. Please, be gentle with yourself. Your body needs this time to do it’s own miraculous recovery of itself so it can serve you in a way you want and need it to. Your body wants to help you climb that mountain. Your body wants you to be healthy. Your body wants to feel awesome. Your body wants to be able to grow old gracefully, with you. Your body wants to support you. Right now, your body wants you to help it heal.
Keep going! Continue to fuel your body with nourishing foods that promote healing and anti-inflammation. Continue to be grateful for what your body IS still able to do. Continue to strengthen your core to support the back injury. Continue with your modified workouts at the gym. Everything is happening exactly as it should. Be patient with your progress and be gentle on yourself. You WILL get to where you want to go.
Oh, and don’t forget to take time to enjoy the journey, not matter how slow you go; because you ARE still going.
Big love & hugs,
I’m a few workouts in since I got the news. Karl modifies every class workout for me. He modifies it in a way that follows the doctor’s orders and honors how my back is feeling that day. I am grateful that I found a trainer that takes the time and energy to accommodate my current situation. I am grateful for the gym members who high five me at the end of my modified workout when they’ve given it their all. I am grateful for my friends’ understanding when I need to switch seats or use a heating pad or cut a date short because my back is bothering me. I am grateful for Matt supporting me every step of the way, wiping my tears and loving me just as I am. I am grateful for what my body still has the ability to do.
Don’t worry, I haven’t reunited with the cheese burger. My QPC will power is still in tact. I’m grateful for that, too!