My Fall From Grace
I’ve stumbled. I’ve fallen from the grace that was intended for this blog.
When I attended the Great Life Redesign back in November 2013 I discovered that one of my soul goals was to live in VIBRANT wellness. I started to move in that direction. I had a goal – to climb a mountain! I was fueling my body instead of feeding it. I started this blog to keep me accountable and to connect with others who might be experiencing a similar path.
I’ve had a string of health issues this year that have affected my progress and most definitely my mindset. The back issues, a six week lung infection and just last week I was hooked up to heart and blood pressure monitors for 48 hours to determine the reason behind the debilitating headaches and migraines I’ve been experiencing these last few weeks.
“You need to lose weight”
“The results indicate that on average, 23% of your day is being spent in a high blood pressure state.”
“You could probably go off this blood pressure medication in a few weeks if you can get your weight down”
“If you don’t get this under control now you’re going to be living with full blown high blood pressure in less than ten years.”
I can see my doctor’s lips moving. I can hear the words she is speaking. THIS does not feel like vibrant wellness. I now own a frigging Blood Pressure monitor to document my BP during these migraines and severe headaches. How did I get so far off track? I feel like I’m too young for this. I want to be a healthy old person not a sick one.
VIBRANT WELLNESS has taken on a few different meanings this year. In January it meant training to climb a mountain. Then it meant healing a back injury. Next, it meant getting back on track. And now it means getting my health back. Seriously.
When I started this journey I wanted to be able to climb a mountain, to look and feel good in my clothes. It was like a whisper from the Universe, “move more towards how you want to feel.” And now, the Universe is shouting the reminder to keep moving in that direction with this latest doctor visit.
Losing weight isn’t just about feeling good and being able to accomplish a goal for me anymore – those are the side affects, the benefits. My health is at risk. Really, my health was always at risk I just didn’t see it as clearly.
Remember when I smashed my scale? Smashing it and living without one really taught me to detach my self worth and the number that appears. For this, I am grateful. I have to bring a scale back into the house as a means to monitor my health. I promise myself not to feel guilt about any number that appears. I know I’ve gained back some of the weight I had lost. There is a part of me that is embarrassed to share with you that I’ve stumbled, that I messed up. My vulnerability is real and necessary to move forward. I feel guilt that I’ve let you down – that I’ve let myself down.
Dear sick Melsha,
You’ve got some work to do but I know you can do it! You’ve got so many people that love you, that want to help you and want to see you live a long and healthy life! I know your deepest desire is to live a full and vibrant life. We can do this together.
Choose to be gentle with yourself instead of beating yourself up. Choose foods that nourish your soul goals instead of foods that make you linger in guilt. Choose movement instead of the couch. Choose to BE in the world instead of hiding when you think you are failing. Choose to ask for help when you need it instead of staying in a place of lack. Choose to be grateful for what you’ve already accomplished – don’t discount that. Choose to live life! Choose a VIBRANT life!
Melsha, I know you are completely capable of achieving health, vibrant wellness and living the life you love! Let go of the guilt and make it happen! Let it be easy.
Remember, you didn’t fall from grace – you just took a little detour to find what your soul really needs. I think it’s clear now. GO! BE! DO! Live that life of vibrant wellness that is waiting for you! Can you feel me holding your hand? I’m here for you every step of the way.
So much love,
Vibrantly healthy Melsha xo
As difficult as it is, I must be gentle with myself knowing that I can’t change the past and that tomorrow is a new day – a new day to make choices that lead me towards living in VIBRANT wellness. I want more of that so today, I move gracefully in that direction.