Vulnerable Me – 2 Months Later
February has been a long, cold, hard month! It’s been filled with ups and downs and surprises: some good and some bad. I’ve spent some time beating myself up over some of my actions.
First things first….
That’s right! I’m 22lbs and 11.5 inches down since December 19, 2013. That’s about 10 weeks! A safe rate of weight loss.
*insert happy dance here*
Although I look super pumped in that photo and I am grateful for the changes, I want you to know that it has not been an easy road. Living a Great Life and striving for my goals is not always easy. Will it be worth it? You bet your butt it will!
During the month of January I had gotten myself into a bit of a routine. I was hitting the gym 3 days a week, eating right and started a detox. About a week into February, I caught the flu and was sick for 2.5 weeks. My appetite was low, I missed 3 or 4 workouts in a row and felt the routine slipping away. The good news – I was missing exercise. That has never happened in my life before!
I’ve been having a difficult time getting back to that routine. I recovered, came off the detox and had
a couple four cheat meals. Wow – did I feel guilty! On the positive side, I kept it at home and not in a drive-thru! Aside from the modified meal at Earl’s we made all the “naughty” food at home. Matt braved -42 degrees for bbq burgers, I made cinnamon buns with whole wheat instead of white flour, and I sucked on a few chocolate chips. None of these things sat well in my stomach and didn’t fill the void like it once had.
If I listen closely it’s not my body that is craving these things – it’s my emotions. And probably a little bit of my ego challenging me…am I good enough to achieve my goal? Feeling like I fell off track, feeling disappointed and discouraged I found myself turning towards those old patterns. Old patterns with a twist because I was aware that I was slipping and modifying the “cheat meals” to be healthier than what I would have chose in the past but it was still outside what I should be eating if I want to reach my goals. And I do want to reach my goals.
All that being said, I am surprised that my body released 12lbs last month. I’m grateful but surprised. I had been beating myself up about my eating yet my body still treated me kindly.
We all slip up. I’m choosing to no longer beat myself up over it. It happened, all I can do is dust myself off and get back on track. The next meal is a new meal!
It’s much easier to see change in the photo this month than last. What hasn’t changed is that my eye still first goes to all the things I dislike about myself in these pictures. Will that ever change? Will I ever get to a point where I can look at an update pic and my first thought be “wow – I’m looking amazing!” I hope so.
What can I say that I do like about myself in this update? To me, the most obvious is my stomach. I’m not saying that I love my stomach in these pics but I am loving the change that is happening! I’ve actually lost 4.5″ on my waist so far. The flab on my arm between my wrist and elbow is getting smaller. My legs are developing more muscle. Less rolls on my face and neck. And of course, the little toes and sparkley eyes that don’t change.
I really do try to focus on the positive things in my life but I must say this is the toughest area to look at and feel positive about what I see. I will continue to work hard towards my goal. I know I’m going to slip up from time to time and that’s ok. After all, I am perfectly imperfect.